Remembrance
by RavenHeart101
Summary: "It will always amaze Sam how much can change in a year. It will always amaze him even more, how much damage simple fear can do." A bomb goes off at Scandals and while sitting in the emergency room and then in a chair next to a bed Sam can't do anything but remember how they got to where they were now.
1. Chapter 1

Remembrance

By: RavenHeart101

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary:"It will always amaze Sam how much can change in a year. It will always amaze him even more, how much damage simple fear can do."

A:N - I have no idea if any more will be added to this, to be honest. I just wanted to share it for what it was.

**Warning**: Trigger for explosions and depression and hints to character death or at least major harm.

* * *

It will always amaze Sam how much can change in a year.

It will always amaze him even more, how much damage simple fear can do.

His head is nestled in his hands, his bangs flowing through his shaking fingers. They're clenched because he can't exactly clench anything else right now. The emergency room around him is in shambles, panic flooding the area that's not usually calm to begin with but Sam, at least, has never had to be panicked while in one before. There was that one time, years ago, when Stacie had fallen down the front steps during winter, slipped on a patch of ice, and broken her arm. But Sam hadn't been panicked then. Worried, yes. Panicked, no. Sam had known what the outcome would be then.

He doesn't now.

He can hear Unique wailing, and he can hear Ryder snarling at a stressed out nurse that Unique needs to be looked at now.

He knows they'll all be in a great deal of trouble. Really, what had they been thinking, bringing a bunch of underage kids to Scandals? Sam had thought it was a good idea at the time. What harm could be done? They weren't going to be drinking and Unique needed to know that there were people that were like her. That understood her.

Blaine had thought it was a good idea. Partially anyway. Blaine had simply wanted to bring her to their under 21 night and show her around. Somehow – probably from Unique herself – Marley had found out and asked to tag along. And wherever Marley goes so does Jake and Jake brings along Ryder and Ryder brings Kitty because why the hell not?

Just make it a Glee outing.

To a gay bar.

When, really, only one of them is gay.

Was gay.

_Is _gay.

_Is_ not _was_.

Sam wants to smack himself for even thinking that it could be previous. But what else could he do? His mind keeps running in circles. What happened. What _could _have happened. Sam could have stepped in the way. And why hadn't he even noticed until they were at the hospital?

He closes his eyes and he's back in the club. Buying a drink for Blaine and for himself because they're the elders, they're allowed to get a little drunk. And it's not as though they haven't before. They have plenty of times. Like when they moved into their tiny flat in New York together and decided they are better _together _instead of just together.

Sam smiles when he looks over at Blaine. At Blaine in his dark wash jeans and his white dress shirt that's a little too big on him around the shoulders and waist because he stole it from Sam that morning. At Blaine and the tie that's loose around his neck and at Blaine who twirls Unique around as though she's the only person who matters.

Ryder's doing some weird dance with Jake and Marley and Kitty are off in a corner, talking about something in hushed terms. Sam should go check on them, make sure everything's okay, but he can't tear his eyes off Blaine. He's thriving now that he's out of Ohio. He's grown out his hair a bit, doesn't use as much gel, more confident about not being confident. He's becoming perfect. Or, rather, more perfect than he already is.

"He's something, huh?" Sam almost jumps at the sound of someone talking next to him. He tears his gaze from Blaine, for a split second, to see Sebastian Smythe, all in his own college glory leaning on the bar next to him. He's smirking, but there's something light in his eyes.

"He is." Sam nods because he thinks he gets it now. Gets him, now. There's always something about Blaine that just draws people to him.

"You're lucky, Evans." Sebastian smiles at him. Actually smiles. And slides him a glass while simultaneously winking at the bartender who winks back.

Oh.

It's like that, then.

"How long you been a one man, guy?" Sam casually throws out into the open.

Sebastian shrugs and doesn't even try to hide his leer as the bartender bends down to grab a bottle off the bottom shelf. "Long enough to realize what I'd been missing."

Sam gets that. He really does. Not that Sam has ever been one to be into one night stands but still. He looks over at Blaine and Blaine's looking at him, curious but smiling openly. He bounces over to the bar, Unique being pulled into Jake and Ryder's strange dance, and Sam opens up his arm automatically to pull him into his side. "I saw you talking to someone suspicious." Blaine wrinkles his nose at Sebastian and Sebastian just laughs, hugging him when Blaine leans across Sam's lap to do just that. Sam would think it was awkward, but he's used to Blaine's tactile nature by now. Likes it even.

They're happy.

And then they're not.

"Sam." A hand shakes him out of his memory and he snaps his head up, looking up at Sebastian as he slowly sits next to him. He has a split lip, his hair's a mess, and a pretty nasty looking black eye. His injuries are minor compared to the other's Sam's seen. "Sam, where's Blaine?"

But Sam can't answer because he doesn't fucking know where Blaine is.

If he did he wouldn't be here.

He just shakes his head and Sebastian swallows and swears and Unique wails some more and Sam kind of wants to yell at her to shut up.

"Where's…" Sam tries but he honestly doesn't know the bartender's name. Doesn't really care either, but he's pretty sure Sebastian knows that.

"Talking to the cops." And then there are the cops. Making their rounds through the room and Sam's surprised they haven't wandered over to him yet.

He must look like a mess. He knows he has a cut on his cheek. Knows he probably has a broken hand and quite a few sprains. But he doesn't think about it.

Lima's a small town so it really shouldn't surprise him when the emergency room ends up more packed as the hour goes by. Shouldn't surprise him that Unique stops wailing because Kitty finally slapped some sense into her – literally. Even though Kitty shouldn't be slapping anyone because her hand is busted too.

Sam notices, then, that Marley and Jake aren't with them. And then he remembers why.

He remembers how Blaine had been laughing loudly and he had looked amazing and Sam had taken a sip out of his drink and Sebastian had been holding hands with the bartender as they all talked and a light had gone off.

A light.

Very bright and very hot and Sam can feel it on his face and somehow he ends up on the floor and he can hear someone that sounds distinctly like Marley yelling. Screaming, actually. Literally screaming.

Sam's heart drops to the ground.

He hears ringing and someone pulling on his arm to get him to stand up and crying and he blinks up at Blaine as his face looks down into his own and is yelling something only Sam can't hear him.

He has something red on his face and Sam reaches up to wipe it off because red doesn't look right on Blaine when he was wearing white and black and he pulls his fingers away because they're sticky. What did he do, dip his face in paint?

Blaine looks scared, though, so Sam tries to make him feel better.

And then there's another flash of light and Sam can feel it. Can feel it shaking the ground and Blaine's flying forward, onto him, dead weight.

It's almost funny how Sam can hear after that.

He can hear things he doesn't want to hear.

He can hear countless screams and crying and crackling, like fires do on a campfire. He can hear sirens in the distance and then he can hear Blaine's breathing in his ear. And he panics.

Because Blaine is a dead weight on him. Dead weight. Sam's only used to that when he's sleeping and Blaine would never sleep on the floor. Not here. Not at Scandals where they didn't even know what had been on the floor.

But he's a dead weight and Sam knows he's probably hurt all over but Blaine. Blaine who was leaning over him and asking him if he was all right. Blaine who had flown forward. Which means the other blast was from behind him. How close was it? Close enough to cause him to fly forward, apparently.

There's something sticky running onto his own shirt, running onto his arms. Not a pile of it, not enough to make a massive mess. But enough to cause him worry. Well, more than he already is.

He almost tries to scramble to get up but he doesn't when Blaine whines. It's soft, but Sam can hear it. He can hear everything. Instead he lays there and he breaths and he, slowly, very slowly, rolls out from under Blaine.

Who is somehow, still awake. Looking at Sam. Looking shocked. Confused. Lost. Scared. Sam grabs hold of his hand as Blaine's fingers flex. It's red. So is Blaine's back.

"Blaine?"

He blinks up at the nurse as she kneels down in front of him. "Sir?" She's holding a clip board in her left hand, and a blanket in her right. She's pretty, as far as nurses go. "Do you know someone that's been admitted?"

"Y-yes." He stutters out because, well, obviously Blaine's been admitted.

"I need you to fill this out for me." She hands him the clip board and the blanket she drapes over his shoulders. "I'll sit with you and help, if you'd like."

"N-No. I'm fine." He's not fine.

"I'll help." Sebastian says softly and the nurse nods before taking a quick look at his cheek and hand.

"Fill out one for yourself too." She hastily adds, dusting off her scrubs and handing him another clip board.

Sam nods even though he doesn't need to be admitted. She gives Sebastian one too and he thanks her though he doesn't move to fill it out, placing it on the floor in front of his feet and paling when he looks down at his shoes. Sam… Sam knows better than to look at his.

Instead he looks down at the sheet of paper in his hands, his dyslexia making it harder to read than it normally would be with his hands shaking and his head swimming. _Blood type._

How the fuck is Sam supposed to know what Blaine's blood type is?

"Don't fill that out." Sebastian snatches it from his hands and Sam takes a moment to actually realize it's empty.

"Why not?" He asks slowly.

"Because his parents are probably filling one out themselves and having two forms for one person is only going to slow the hospital staff down." Makes sense. Sam wonders how Sebastian can be thinking right now. Thinking about anything other than what just happened.

Sebastian probably doesn't know either.

Sam almost asks how he knows Blaine's parents are there but when he looks up he sees them. Huddled in a corner and Blaine's father is frowning at the floor tiles and his mother is talking on the phone to someone, big fat tears on her face. His father has a clipboard in his hand and Sam should go talk to them. Tell them Blaine's… not okay but not not okay. But he kind of can't stand up right now so, instead, he pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders and huddles into himself.

Tries to forget.

Instead he remembers.

He remembers Blaine's hands on his shoulders and his head thrown back in laughter as Sam twirled him on the dance floor. Remembers Blaine's lips against his, soft and familiar and the smell of his aftershave and how it pushed into his lungs. He remembers how he held onto Blaine tight as they danced. Remembers how Blaine's smile lit up the whole room and how his energy was contagious.

Is.

Not.

Was.

Sam starts crying somewhere in the middle of that mess. And somewhere in the middle of that mess Cooper shows up and Mister Schuester is trying to be comforting and is really failing. Somewhere in that mess Sebastian punches a cop because he insinuates that if they hadn't all been at a gay club this never would have happened.

Sam tries to tune them all out but it doesn't work.

Instead he ends up next to Cooper and next to Kitty, the blonde girl huddled under his arm. He ends up listening to Cooper asking their father why this always has to be him. Why it always has to be Blaine. Why it couldn't be someone else just for once.

And Sam wonders it too. But he doesn't say it.

He shuts down.

And he remembers.

* * *

A: N - Maybe I'll add more if enough people want it?


	2. Chapter 2

Remembrance

By: RavenHeart101

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary:"It will always amaze Sam how much can change in a year. It will always amaze him even more, how much damage simple fear can do."

A:N - I have no idea if any more will be added to this, to be honest. I just wanted to share it for what it was.

Warning: Trigger for explosions and depression and hints to character death or at least major harm.

* * *

Sam leaned back against the counter, a small, proud, smile on his face. Blaine sat on their tiny wooden table in front of him, his legs pulled up underneath his body. They had Chinese take-out from a place down the street strewn between them and Sam felt light.

The apartment was a bit of mess, yes. Small and tiny and they weren't even close to being unpacked. But it was theirs. It was Sam and Blaine's. After the terrible summer that had been Blaine, Rachel, Santana, and Kurt, Blaine had decided to that their apartment was a bit too crowded for another person (much to Kurt's chagrin) and had purchased one of his own. His parents wouldn't help foot the bill if he didn't have another person living with him, so he had offered to Sam and Tina and Artie and Sam was the only one to jump at the offer. The apartment was in a good part of New York, centered in the middle of the city and overlooking Times Square. They were placed above a tiny little café and Sam knew the moment he laid eyes on it that it would be their new hang out spot.

He had tried the chopsticks, but his fingers just didn't bend that way and the rice kept falling between the two sticks. So he stuck with a fork and called it a day. He took a bite out of his carton of rice and smiled. He just couldn't help smiling. "This is really ours."

Blaine smiled back, swallowing and wiping his thumb at the corner of his mouth. It wasn't like he had anything there, but Sam could tell that it was simply an excited quirk. He wanted to keep it hidden, for some reason, so he avoided showing it. Sam hated it, but he was pretty sure it was the fault of the summer he spent in New York without many people to keep him company aside from the Wonder Trio. Sam wondered how many times they had told him to tone his excitement down. From what Blaine had told him, the best person to live with had, remarkably, been Rachel. He had said this all in confidence and Sam had held back from pointing out that if he couldn't live with Kurt now what made him think that the two of them could live together when they were married.

"It is." Momentarily, a wide smile spread over his face, that old excitement back sparking in his eyes.

Sam couldn't help smiling back. "We should probably start unpacking." He noted when the companionable silence became too much.

"Probably." Their furniture was the only thing in a correct place, left over from when the apartment used to belong to Cooper. Some of it was old and worn down and a lot of them didn't say Sam and Blaine but it would do for now. Most of it was tasteful, anyway, so they wouldn't have to worry about going out and getting new stuff for a while.

The only things Blaine insisted on replacing were the mattresses, claiming that he didn't even want to imagine what could have possibly happened on those. Sam agreed.

"I'm sensing a but." Blaine smiled at Sam through a mouthful of sweet and sour chicken, straightening his spine and uncurling his legs from under him.

"I always had this fantasy," Sam put the carton down on the counter next to him and nudged Blaine over so he could sit beside him on the table, his legs hanging down over the edge. "Of just living in my own place and not having a thing to my name yet except for the clothes off my back." Blaine chuckled a deep chuckle that shook his shoulders and set Sam's hair standing on edge. He tried not to think about why that was.

"So you want to live out of boxes for a few days?"

Blaine laughed and his cheeks colored the tips of his ears pink. "Just for tonight. I mean… it could be kind of fun?"

Who was this new Blaine that asked Sam if he would be game for his ideas? Right. This was the old Blaine wasn't it? The one that existed when he was dating Kurt. Sam loved Kurt, really, but he hated what this was doing to his best friend.

"Hell yeah, man." Sam held out his fist and Blaine met him halfway, relief setting his shoulders down to the right height.

That night they only unpacked the blankets, and they set up cheesy Christmas lights on the walls and they camped out in the middle of the empty guest room (that was going to be Sam's room) and ate cold Chinese food and watched movies on Blaine's laptop. Once the battery died they just talked. About anything really.

Sam found out about Kurt's exploits with other guys and when he asked Blaine how he felt about it Blaine just shrugged. Blaine found out about Stacie's first boyfriend and they both cooed at how adorable the eight year olds were when Sam pulled out a picture on his phone. Sam was told about Blaine's new job, working at a bar in the middle of the city because he refused to work in the same place as every other one of their friends. Blaine was elated to hear that Sam's pictures from a recent photo-shoot were picked up by a clothing company.

They learned about each other again, and Sam had never felt so close to another person unless they were related to him. When they fell asleep that night they were on opposite sides of the wood floor.

When Sam woke up Blaine's head was on his shoulder, his hair tickling his nose, his breath puffing out against his neck, his arm across his waist and his legs between his thighs.

Sam moved before Blaine could wake up, replacing his body with a pillow and telling himself that Blaine was engaged and he had missed his chance.

And he didn't like his best friend like that anyway.

* * *

It wasn't until a week later that Sam saw Kurt, Rachel, and Santana. Blaine had been over their apartment for dinner earlier that week but they had taken the time to invite themselves over for an apartment welcoming. Or something along those lines. Sam hadn't been planning on making anything that night and he knew for a fact that Blaine wasn't either, still they managed to throw something together quick enough. Rachel didn't have the meatballs but she seemed happy enough to have the pasta and Santana was happier than Sam had ever seen her.

There was sadness deep in Rachel's eyes and Sam knew it was left over from Finn. Residual. He worried about her but she seemed good enough to curl up next to Blaine on the couch that night and just relax with a glass of wine. Kurt didn't seem jealous by the action and his eyes kept floating over to his phone every now and then. Sam tried not to notice as he took a sip of the berry colored wine but he was pretty sure no one else did.

The bottle had been left over from Cooper, newer than the rest of the things in the house so Sam was pretty sure the man had put it there on purpose for them.

"I'm sorry I've stolen your fiancé, Kurt." Rachel said with a giggle but her voice held something sharp to it. Kurt looked up and they communicated with their eyes. Sam didn't know what they said but he had an idea. Blaine's hand was resting against Rachel's waist, though and his eyes were glued to the screen, almost as though he wasn't paying a single thought to what was going on beside him.

Sam didn't frown but he did trade a look with Santana. She shook her head and he let it go.

"I have to go, actually." Kurt said with a long suffering sigh.

"So soon?" Sam asked when Blaine didn't make a reaction.

"Yeah." Kurt smiled shakily. "I told someone I'd cover their shift at work and I guess they need me in now so…" He shrugged and stood up, brushing off his pants.

Blaine slowly extracted himself from the mess of Rachel's limbs and followed him into the entryway. Or what worked as an entry way, anyway. It was still in the living room.

He helped Kurt into his jacket and the two of them went outside, the door closing with a soft click.

Sam, Rachel, and Santana were left in an awkward silence.

When Blaine came back three minutes later he looked the same. He looked tired and his posture was a bit slumped down. When he sat back into his spot Sam refilled his glass. Rachel curled herself around him again and this time they clung together, their hands linked as though they were one. "I'm sorry." She whispered and brushed his hair away from his ear.

Sam pretended not to see the tears.

* * *

When Santana asked him to come over the Wonder Trio's apartment for drinks he didn't think twice. He probably should have but he didn't. It was Santana after all, and Sam still sort of appreciated her company and being in a big city with so few recognizable faces was exhausting sometimes.

The place was as neat as it could be and Santana waved him inside, a girl around their age standing in the kitchen refilling her wine glass. Sam didn't as where they had gotten theirs. No doubt they had their ways that didn't involve a rich older brother with perhaps too much time on his hands. Sam smiled and slipped his arms around her slip waist. Santana hugged him back before pulling away and dragging him into the kitchen.

The air smelled of sweet cinnamon and black berries.

The girl had blonde hair, or was it light brown, and brown eyes. She was shorter than Santana but not by much. More down to earth than Sam would have pegged Santana to be friends with. "Trouty, this is Dani." Santana introduced, slipping her arm around the girl – Dani's waist. The girl smiled and waved a little.

Sam decided that he liked her. She was probably why Santana was so happy now. "Nice to meet you." He held out a hand to shake hers, tempted to do the gentlemanly thing and kiss the knuckles just for the heck of it. But he held off at Santana's mild look. Whoever said Santana couldn't get jealous obviously didn't know her.

"So I should cut to the chase." Santana said as they sat at the kitchen table, Sam into his second glass of wine (he wasn't much of a wine drinker, but he had gotten used to it as more seemed to mysteriously appear in their fridge when neither of them were home) and Santana and Dani happily buzzed.

"You mean you didn't just want my approval on your girlfriend?" He winked at Dani and she laughed loudly.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Please, like I need your approval on any part of my life." But her lips were quirked up in a small smile. Her eyes were brighter. Sam was obviously approving of her choice of company considering how unhappy she had been back in Ohio. "But no." She paused and took a long sip of her wine, the liquid coating her lips red. She ran her tongue over the surface and sat back, her hands hovering over her stomach. "I need to talk to you about your fascination with our favorite curl ball of joy."

_Blaine_, Sam's mind supplied unhelpfully. "He is my best friend."

"But he's more than that, isn't he?" Santana asked, leaning forward eagerly. "Don't try telling me differently, I see the disgustingly lovesick look on your face whenever you're with him."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Just like the one you've been sending Dani all night." And indeed Santana had been, puppy dog eyes and everything.

"No shit," Santana didn't try to deny it. Dani blushed a bit. Sam was taken-a-back. "At least I admit it."

"I'm not in love with Blaine."

"I never said who we were talking about." Santana smirked.

"No you said curl ball of joy."

"Which could just be that fluffy puppy your landlord has that you're so in love with."

Sam flushed. He opened his mouth to argue back but Dani cut him to the chase, changing the conversation quickly by bringing up how the two of them knew each other.

When Sam went home that night he might have stood in the doorway to Blaine's room for a while, watching as he played away at his keyboard, his headphones in and his glasses on. Might have smiled a bit when Blaine jumped when Sam sat down next to him to ease the headphone off so he could hear. Might have leaned a bit too close and stared a bit too long.

But Sam wasn't in love with his best friend.

He just wanted him to be happy.


End file.
